Still, it’s easy to forget that computers are goddamned stupid and are nowhere near ready to take commands phrased in natural language. Case in point:
Comprehension test: FAILED
AGENT: What’s my first move?
YOU: Hold on
AGENT: We have all day.
AGENT: It’s not like we have a problem with weapons of mass destruction in a Caribbean holiday resort to figure out.
AGENT: Anything like that.
YOU: Pull both white wires out at once
AGENT: Be as clear as you can. Appreciated.
YOU: Pull the white wires
AGENT: NO. Cutting wires at random is my last option. Want others first. Don’t care if you’re an expert. You’re not HERE. Ideas. Fast.
YOU: Call the bomb squad
AGENT: Device right in front of me. Five wires and a USB port. How to handle this?
YOU: Err
AGENT: Keep it simple. Say again.
TIME PENALTY: FIRST WARNING
YOU: Throw it into the river
AGENT: We’ve got the bomb. It’s even nastier in the flesh. Check the photo I sent and then advise me on how to proceed.
YOU: Plug the tablet into the USB port
AGENT: I can try plugging the tablet in. One second.
AGENT: Interesting. It’s displaying … hang on, I’ll transfer an image.
YOU: You need to pull out the white wires
AGENT: Explain your plan first. I’m not starting cutting until I know where we’re going with this.
YOU: The white wires are the main ones
AGENT: So you mean … actually, what do you mean?
YOU: THE WHITE ONES ARE IMPORTANT. CUT THEM
AGENT: No savvy. Re-state?
YOU: Cut the white wires NOW
AGENT: If you think you’ve figured out the image, tell me what you think it means. Then I’ll start cutting.
YOU: It means that all the coloured wires lead to the white one
AGENT: Not sure I understand. Put that another way?
YOU: The white one is the important wire
AGENT: Be as clear as you can. Appreciated.
YOU: The white wires power the bomb
AGENT: Put that another way? Sorry.
YOU: The colored wires aren’t important
AGENT: You’re right. The colours in the picture do match the wires. What do you think we should do?
YOU: Cut the white wires
AGENT: Sounds like you’ve got a plan. Spell it out. Don’t just tell me to start cutting wires.
YOU: CUT THE WHITE WIRES. THAT IS THE PLAN
AGENT: What’s your thinking? Not just going to cut arbitrary wires.
YOU: The white wires are key. You need to cut them first
AGENT: In other words…?
YOU: In other words, if you cut them the bomb won’t go off
AGENT: Keep it simple. Say again.
YOU: BOMB NO EXPLODEY IF WHITE WIRES NO WORKY
AGENT: Try and be concise.
Your progress is currently below average. The HELP command may offer ways for you to improve it.
TIME PENALTY: SECOND WARNING
YOU: Cut the white wires, because they are the important ones
AGENT: So you mean … actually, what do you mean?
YOU: The white wires detonate the bomb. Cut them
AGENT: Break that down for me once more. Please?
YOU: Forget it. You deserve to die
AGENT: So… put that another way?