An Interview With Cyclops

Cyclops: the Worst Leader (an interview)

Good god, this thing is hilarious. An excerpt:

So, you’re a teacher at a school where mutant kids can learn to control their powers. What tricks do you use to keep your powers under control?

I don’t. I have a special pair of glasses that does it for me.

[awkward pause]

Without them, I am helpless and blind.

Well, designing them must have taken considerable ingenui—

I didn’t design them. The Professor did.

Oh. Well, that was kind of him. He also asked you to lead his team of mutant superheroes, the X-men, from their inception. What qualities led him to trust you to lead at such a young age?

I am a natural leader.

Er, yes. How so?

I am very good at leadership.

But what aspects of leadership?

The part where I am the leader of the team.

Let’s try this another way. How did a teenager handle the responsibility of making decisions under pressure without Xavier’s help?

By asking him psychically what to do.

…I’m sorry?

For the first few years, he stayed in constant contact with the entire team using his psychic powers every time we went on a mission. He would come up with plans, coordinate our actions, and make critical decisions in the heat of battle.

Oh. Um. Well, what did you do?

I led the team.

What were your responsibilities as team leader, I mean?

I would tell them to carry out the Professor’s orders, mostly.

So, the Professor would come up with a plan, and you would say, “do that?”

Yes. With my natural leadership skills, it was easy.

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